sorry but we're out of time

i spray painted this spider one time and it died but i think it was happy. when i want to die i want to my covered in gold so i think that this would have pleased him too. when i die i would not wiggle around like he did because that would just annoy my painter and he might get distracted and only paint me half way. that would be ridiculous, imagine dying with only your bottom bits gold or only a toenail, how bland

why do you have to be so serious all of the time

eggs are yum and can be abused in so many different ways. this particularly one is spotty but it isn't nearly as white as i am.

i think that my dog has a good life as he can get away with rolling around in poo. if i rolled around in poo all day like him it would be socially unacceptable but i don't think that is fair at all. monkeys get to fling theirs at passerbys but when i do it i face being arrested, this is an injustice of my right to do with my poo what i wish. i made it. i could also make a baby but i would not fling it as people as it might hurt the person it hit and they would sue me for hitting them with a baby.

blogspit.com

i do not like the way your keys jingle when you walk. bouncing up and down and repeating once again on your mountainous motor-boat targets is unpleasant and so are your clippy cloppy high heel walking sticks of death. don't walk through david jones department stores and think that you're tops because you probably don't buy anything, and free samples of baby foreskin skin care cream do not count as a purchase at all. this is probably what you look at all day between reapplying your lip liner and snorting something to corrode your insides to pass the time. your dog is yapping you know.

because knowing is half the battle

why do we do this to ourselves? well i don't know so i made some rings. they are tacky and horrid and are supposed to go-with-the-flow of my tentacle. did you know that if you type 'tentacle' into google images a majority of it is porn? i think i found a new hobby

costume jewellery is wicked fun, plus i got a free pen today

one day i will change my name to cornelius

"i've always wanted to try dog biscuits"

"you remind me of a friend i had once. she used to eat out of bins."

my pretty mam

my pretty mam has minuscule earlobes and i made her put these earrings on for me. she will wear them to a wedding which is actually not her wedding and they look like 3 conjoined areolas. they are made of cuter pewter and wilver silver bilver dilver gilver

natural and not

birdy num nums

ringworm

this one time i was in ringwood and a boy i am assuming to be about twelve years old asked me for a cigarette. this was strange because there was no evidence that i smoke unless he saw a peek of my gangrenous foot concealed within my sock and shoe. i told him that i had one left but he said that it was okay and left with a strange girl. i thought they were both going to roll me until i remembered that their combined weights were probably close to my total and i left on my merry way as they departed on their pre pubescent trip to the station

what's in it for me

not the very best photos but hey, here is a garnet set in fine and sterling silver. after the hair tearing and sweat threatened brow i handed this bad boy in and now i await interrogation

i might as well show some things i have made, here is a set of four cast rings i did a while ago. they are all made from pewter and are meant to look like boulders except for the one that says cat which says man on the other side too

bec from school

bec from school once told me that if her dog was a person she would marry her, i would do the same to my dog too. baxter is an old man name and now that he is thirteen he acts old too. if he were a person he would be 91 years old and would probably smoke a pipe and read the newspaper over a crumpet in the mornings. he would get up at 5 o'clock every morning and have a cup of tea and listen to abc classical radio as he put on his glasses and checked the moles on his arms. he would call out to me to tell me if he had found a new one and be excited about it and he would probably name it frank or jerry. baxter would wear 2 pairs of slippers on his feet and wear old spice and he would wolf whistle at women on the street for fun. oh look here he is now

dear wristwatch,

i wish i didn't destroy you when i was swimming. i miss you

a pigeon without its tailfeathers

the infested joys of melbourne

a clean line of blonde and black

oh, the '90s

you are my light

mangled colin foot, 2010

fact

the joy that comes across me when bobbling you is immense. you will forever my in my heart mr. schrute you beautiful man amongst men

2009

dear caffinated beverages

you are too good to me. keep up the good work champ you gorgeous thing

dayglow vista road

i want your comfort for the evening

2009 zzzzzzzzzzz

sounds like crunchy peanut butter

i feel like i just discovered the internet, my world has been turned upside-down and sharks wear corks on their teeth to avoid harming other sea creatures. yum yum, in another note, i was gifted 6 boxes with 5 bags each inside of the most saltiest and generally tasty roasted chickpeas. i think i will email the company tomorrow

riduckulous

e.g. scooters, holidays, autumn

my jesus pocketwatch dangles in places

today i saw a boy with a birthmark on his face. it looked like chocolate. it was beautiful

success?

some people determine success through the car they drive, the job they have, or the 2 children - one boy and one girl - they have produced.

i am successful because i was the first sperm to meet the egg




it looks like a scene from space

observations

even clipping my toenails is slightly satisfying, however i am unsure why. there is something comforting in knowing that the situation of the long toenails has disappeared and i can move onto the next thing, such as combing my hair

the things we do for fun

i miss scaring people in the street

"you can't trust them, but you can trust me - 'cause i'm a politician"

jamaican me crazy

taken by me using kayleigh's wicked camera

i first produced my pistol, and then produced my ray gun

a flower in a glove

by kayleigh van der westhuizen, what a gorgeous human being!

things

hooray

it was so cold on the bus that i could see my own breath
crazy times